Further to my previous posts about weasel words (here and here), and noting that Donna has also commented about these words this morning, I found a few absolute gems at weaselwords.com.au:
‘Barrett’s mission is to continue to challenge paradigms to unlock elite sales performance.’ Barrett Consulting
Translation: ‘We don’t think we’re making enough money.’
‘You can drive Insight into Action.’
Translation: ‘ Insight? Isn’t that the guy who works in Finance? Action? I’m sure that’s the little town five miles north of the city. I wonder if I can get there in an hour?’
‘Just as the skill and processes are not compartmentalized in the creation process, the evaluation of outcomes will occur against a background of understanding that separation of outcomes into discrete components is subordinate to the evaluation of the total process as a comprehensive outcome.’
Translation: ‘This means that the whole will be evaluated before they figure out who ruined the critical piece.’
‘Interpretation should be conceived in the main as an added layer to the use of the place as an ongoing entertainment venue.’
Translation: ‘It used to be a drill hall, now it’s a nightclub.’
“Change Management: We facilitate the efficient introduction of change to the production environment while ensuring that standard methods and procedures are followed to eliminate or minimise negative impacts to the
business.”
My translation: “We change things to make things better.”
‘The object is to create a benchmark environmentally sustainable development with a focus on providing a unique and enjoyable lifestyle within a safe and relaxed environment.’ Advertisement in South Gippsland Sentinel Times, December 2004
Translation: ‘I suspect they mean that the development will not harm the environment and will be a pleasant place for residents to live.’
from ‘Yes Minister’
Sir Humphrey is trying to tell Jim Hacker that he cannot upset the Tobacco Companies, because he has been entertained by them:
‘Notwithstanding the fact that the proposal could conceivably encompass certain concomitant benefits of a marginal and peripheral relevance, there is a consideration of infinitely superior magnitude involving your personal complicity and corroborative malfeasance, with the consequence that the taint and stigma of your former associations and diversions could irredeemably and irretrievably invalidate your position and culminate in public revelations and recriminations of a profoundly embarrassing and ultimately indefensible character.’
Hacker asks for a précis. ‘There’s nicotine on your hands,’ replies Sir Humphrey.
‘Yes Prime Minister: ‘The Smoke Screen’ by Anthony Jay and Jonathan Lynn.UK, BBC, 1986
How to write good by William Safire:
* Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
* No sentence fragments.
* It behoves us to avoid archaisms.
* Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
* Don’t use no double negatives.
* If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times: resist hyperbole.
* Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
* Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
* Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
* Writing carefully, dangling participles should not be used.
* Kill all exclamation marks!!!
* Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
* Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
* Take the bull by the hand, and don’t mix metaphors.
* Don’t verb nouns.
* Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
* Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague.
‘Christmas comes but once in the annual timeframe.’
Don Watson himself
‘In 2003 there were 350 “self-harm” incidents, including 120 “hanging gestures”.’
US Army spokesman Lt Col Sumpter speaking to the press about attempted suicides at Guantanamo detention center
‘Ensure a fulfilling continuity of contribution for valued employees starting a family … Corporations that respect individual needs, that treat and equip their ‘human resources’ as resourceful (and trusted) humans, can achieve the healthy work/family balance critical to a continuously healthy balance sheet.’ Ad for a Toshiba laptop
‘Yesterday the Multi-functional Device (MFD) in our office gave the error message “Media Output Facility Error”‘.
Translation: the computer printer/photocopier was out of paper
A thousand more gems available at weaselwords.com.au
