Check this out, from his latest post on D*I*Y Planner, about the possible sequel to ‘The DaVinci Code’ — The Da Vinci Code 2, in which they discover da Vinci’s D*I*Y Planner and Robert Langdon is inadvertently drawn into another adventure just in time for Christmas hard-cover sales.
Robert Langdon awoke to the sound of a phone ringing in the dark. He fumbled for a light, thinking ‘Where am I?’ As the fog lifted, he realized he was in an ornate hotel room in an unlikely and extremely exotic location. The heavily accented voice on the other end of the phone said:
“Mr. Langdon, I am an enigmatic and mysterious person who will ultimately turn out to be further involved in this plot than I first appear. I am calling to inform you that Leonardo Da Vinci’s D*I*Y Planner has been found in his recently discovered studio and that because it vaguely mentions you, you are under suspicion for the murder of the eccentric and much beloved janitor of the Louvre Museum in Paris, M. Jean-Francois Stereotype. We believe that some obscure and convoluted medieval cult has arisen out of the mists of time to frame you and also to steal some important religious artifact that can be interpreted in a way which trashes the Catholic church, which will have the effect of selling more books. To save time, we have already arranged a pig-headed security chief and a surprisingly attractive and unusually qualified female sidekick. Even though your stories all talk about the devaluing of the sacred feminine, I expect that you will ultimately end up saving her in some unlikely and stereotypically phallo-centric Hollywood ending. We are sending a car for you.”
Or this, as Steve takes up the ‘Productivity’ gauntlet and becomes the first Agony Aunt of Productivity in his brand new column, Ask Steve: Answering All The Productivity Questions You Were Afraid To Ask A Sane Person:
Anyway, opening the old mail bag, our first productivity question is from Mr. Ernest. A. Smith of Cambridge Massechus… Massechusit… Massuchesuets… Boston!, who writes…
…and so on.
Our second (and, judging by the current word count, last) question comes from Susan Sporzansky of Anchorage, Alaska, who writes:
“Can you suggest any way to keep my husband from using my D*I*Y Planner to start fires? He’s a pyromaniac and an arsonist and he keeps using my planner to burn down the neighbours homes. This is becoming terribly inconvenient, as I have to continually keep reprinting my planner. In closing, let me just say that I exist.”
Well Susan, in this case, I would recommend laminating your planner, using a dry-erase marker and running for your life. May I suggest San Francisco? I hear it’s wonderful this time of year.
Well, that’s my first stab at the advice columnist gig. Send in all your productivity problems and I’ll do my best to care. So, until next time, keep your pen on the page and watch out for Dick Cheney. Apparently he got loose again.
Forget the spelling — he’s so funny I’m sure you can overlook such things — and concentrate on the wit.
A welcome respite in an otherwise long and busy day…