What they say versus what they mean

G'day! Thanks for returning!

Courtesy of famed bookseller and my good friend Bruce, a gem of a mini instruction manual on what academics mean by what they say in their manuscripts and lectures.

Students at Marcom please take note.

“It has long been known” – I didn’t look up the original reference.
“A definite trend is evident” – These data are practically meaningless.
“While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions” – An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
“Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study” – The other results didn’t make any sense.
“Typical results are shown” – 1) This is the prettiest graph. 2) The best results are shown.
“These results will be in a subsequent report” – I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
“In my experience” – Once.
“In case after case” – Twice.
“In a series of cases” – Thrice.
“It is believed that” – I think.
“It is generally believed that” – A couple of others think so, too.
“Correct within an order of magnitude” – Wrong.
“According to statistical analysis” – Rumor has it.
“A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings” – A wild guess.
“A careful analysis of obtainable data” – Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass iced tea.
“It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs” – 1) I don’t understand it. 2) I need more grant money. 3) I can get at least one more paper out of this.
“After additional study by my colleagues” – They don’t understand it either.
“Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions” – Mr. Blotz did all the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
“A highly significant area for exploratory study” – A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
“Handled with extreme care during the experiments” – Not dropped on the floor.
“Presumably at longer times” – I didn’t take the time to find out.
“This paper will omit a review of the more recent literature in favor of” – I don’t know if anything has been written on this since my own dissertation five years ago.
“Various authorities agree” – I overheard this in the hall.
“It was observed that” – One of my students noticed that
“No discussion would be complete without reference to the contributions of” – I need another footnote on this page.
“This research has left many questions unanswered.” – I didn’t find anything of significance.
“This finding has not yet been incorporated into general theory” – Perhaps my next graduate student will make sense of it.
“It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field” – I’ve had enough of it and am moving on to study something more interesting.