How to annoy those persistent unsolicited telesales callers

by Lee Hopkins on May 19, 2006 · 10 comments

in Uncategorized

The first known evidence of the young Bruce's fondness for the sweet Mandy B

ruce has done it again.

Another sparkling collection of sure-fire ways to annoy the blazes out of those annoying unsolicited telesales calls.

  • “I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now. Give me your home number and I’ll call you back later tonight.”
  • In the middle of the caller’s memorized sales pitch, interrupt with: “What causes a hiccup?”
  • “Shhh. Wait a minute. I’m here robbing the house. Whoa! I think the owners just got home. Can you hold?”
  • When someone asks whether a spouse is at home: “Yes, but I never allow him/her to talk to strangers.”
  • When someone asks how you are: “Well, I’m having an existential crisis at the moment. Let me explain . . .”
  • “You want to sell me insurance? I’ve been trying to get insurance for years, but nobody will sell me any!”
  • Another response to rug-cleaners or any person offering home services: (Break into tears and say) “Is this some kind of joke? My house burned down last night! We lost everything!”
  • To a phone company solicitor: “That sounds GREAT! Wait, can you hold for a minute?” (Leave the phone off the hook until he/she hangs up.)

And my (and Bruce‘s) personal favourite:

  • Use your touch-tone phone to annoy the caller by playing “Mary Had a Little Lamb”:
    6-5-4-5
    6-6-6
    5-5-5
    6-6-6.
    6-5-4-5
    6-6-6-6
    5-5-6-5
    4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4

Technorati :

  • http://tidbitsandmore.blogspot.com/ Donna Tocci

    Here in Massachusetts (US) you can sign up for the ‘no call registry’. When you sign up (online for free) your number goes on a list that telemarketers get and can not call. It’s the law. It’s wonderful!!!!

  • http://tidbitsandmore.blogspot.com Donna Tocci

    Here in Massachusetts (US) you can sign up for the ‘no call registry’. When you sign up (online for free) your number goes on a list that telemarketers get and can not call. It’s the law. It’s wonderful!!!!

  • http://www.bryper.com/ Bryan Person

    Of course, since the politicians were the ones passing the no-call legislation, they made sure to exclude themselves from it.

    Even if you’re the Do Not Call list, calls requesting YOUR political contribution are still fair game. As are calls from non-profits and any organization you with which you have an existing “business relationship.”

    It’s not a perfect system, but it isn’t bad. I get the occasional from a non-profit, but it’s manageable.

    On another note, I always enjoyed playing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on the phone as a child. 4-5-6 corresponds to F-G-A. Works nicely when you’re trying to annoy the heck out of someone!

  • http://www.bryper.com Bryan Person

    Of course, since the politicians were the ones passing the no-call legislation, they made sure to exclude themselves from it.

    Even if you’re the Do Not Call list, calls requesting YOUR political contribution are still fair game. As are calls from non-profits and any organization you with which you have an existing “business relationship.”

    It’s not a perfect system, but it isn’t bad. I get the occasional from a non-profit, but it’s manageable.

    On another note, I always enjoyed playing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on the phone as a child. 4-5-6 corresponds to F-G-A. Works nicely when you’re trying to annoy the heck out of someone!

  • http://leehopkins.net/ Lee

    And I like the idea of hitting the ’4′ key repeatedly… kind of like the ‘engaged’ tone that goes on for ever!

  • http://leehopkins.net Lee

    And I like the idea of hitting the ’4′ key repeatedly… kind of like the ‘engaged’ tone that goes on for ever!

  • http://www.thesundaymail.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5936,185121305E2765,00.html Nathan Reeve

    I too have registered for the Aussie equivalent, of a “Do Not Call” list. Most outbound phone calls from Australian call centres have stopped. However, I still receive regular sales and market research calls from Bangalore and Mumbai.

    Thankfully, I recently discovered there is no need to toy with our Indian brothers and sisters. Plenty of others are doing this already.

    According to a recent article by Kevin Naughton in “The Sunday Mail” on 19 March 2006, “call-centre workers in India are having nervous breakdowns after being abused by fed-up Australians.

    “Australian accents – especially in working-class areas – are very difficult to understand.

    “The Australians then get frustrated because they are not being understood and when they realise the call is from India their anger gets worse.

    My advice, if you really have to vent your frustration, is to be REALLY helpful. Every word that is coming out of your mouth is bringing these people to grief.

    If you are feeling particularly malicious, let the Indian researcher believe you are their dream candidate. Answer the quantitative questions with grace and poise. Then, when Prakesh or Sona asks for your opinion, speak fast. Take the “quality” out of your qualitative response by being as ocker as you can. Australians should really focus on talking through their nose. Accentuate the worst features of your accent if you are from anywhere else.

    Then again, you might be better off taking a deep breath and answer all questions patiently and pleasantly. It’s only a little moment out of your day and the call to your home is paying the wage for some of our poorest workers or helping lift the standard of living in another part of a very poor world.

  • http://www.thesundaymail.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5936,185121305E2765,00.html Nathan Reeve

    I too have registered for the Aussie equivalent, of a “Do Not Call” list. Most outbound phone calls from Australian call centres have stopped. However, I still receive regular sales and market research calls from Bangalore and Mumbai.

    Thankfully, I recently discovered there is no need to toy with our Indian brothers and sisters. Plenty of others are doing this already.

    According to a recent article by Kevin Naughton in “The Sunday Mail” on 19 March 2006, “call-centre workers in India are having nervous breakdowns after being abused by fed-up Australians.

    “Australian accents – especially in working-class areas – are very difficult to understand.

    “The Australians then get frustrated because they are not being understood and when they realise the call is from India their anger gets worse.

    My advice, if you really have to vent your frustration, is to be REALLY helpful. Every word that is coming out of your mouth is bringing these people to grief.

    If you are feeling particularly malicious, let the Indian researcher believe you are their dream candidate. Answer the quantitative questions with grace and poise. Then, when Prakesh or Sona asks for your opinion, speak fast. Take the “quality” out of your qualitative response by being as ocker as you can. Australians should really focus on talking through their nose. Accentuate the worst features of your accent if you are from anywhere else.

    Then again, you might be better off taking a deep breath and answer all questions patiently and pleasantly. It’s only a little moment out of your day and the call to your home is paying the wage for some of our poorest workers or helping lift the standard of living in another part of a very poor world.

  • http://leehopkins.net/ Lee

    Good point, Nathan! Much as they ARE an extremely intrusive part of our lives, you are right that they DO help raise the standard of living for someone less fortunate than ourselves.

    Sometimes we are all guilty of forgetting that that VAST majority of the world are not as fortunate as us. I thank God everyday for being able to live in such a beautiful and peaceful part of the world as the Adelaide Hills.

  • http://leehopkins.net Lee

    Good point, Nathan! Much as they ARE an extremely intrusive part of our lives, you are right that they DO help raise the standard of living for someone less fortunate than ourselves.

    Sometimes we are all guilty of forgetting that that VAST majority of the world are not as fortunate as us. I thank God everyday for being able to live in such a beautiful and peaceful part of the world as the Adelaide Hills.

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