Okay, nothing to do with Business Communication, true. It’s just something I wanted to get off my chest…
The teenage son of some friends of mine has his bedroom walls covered with soft-porn posters from ‘lads’ magazines like Ralph and Inside Sport.
His parents are divided over this — one is against the objectification of attractive young women into sex toys. The other agrees but feels powerless to combat his testosterone, towering physicality and postmodern cultural right to express himself and decorate his room as he sees fit.
As parents we all face these dilemmas every day. When does a pre-teen mag for girls become a hegemonous example of unrealistic and unachievable female size and shape (see the stunning Dove ad for more)?
[As an aside, I wonder how many email versions of this post will make it past the spam filters?]
As John Eldredge points out in his superb book, Wild at Heart*, pornography is actually ‘cheating’ men and boys, by removing from the desire to successfully meet a dangerous challenge and thus ‘deserve’ the prize of the beautiful damsel.
Think about it: back in ‘days of yore’ the winner got the spoils of battle — often the other man’s beautiful wife or daughter, or similarly desirable damsel.
Today there is no ‘quest’, no ‘do or die’ battles; we are cossetted, protected and kept safe by a society and state that largely works to keep the majority of its citizens protected (in exchange for individual freedom). All a man has to do is wander down to his local newsagent, slap over a bit of local currency and he can hae some of the most glorious ‘spoils of battle’ paraded seductively in front of him.
Where’s the sense of achievement in that?
Of course, there are still ‘battles’ that are fought and won, but the field of battle is financial not physical.
The mega rich man often partners with (aka “does“) the mega beautiful woman. The poor man is not often seen with a jaw-droppingly (physically) beautiful woman at his side.
I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’m just saying that it’s rare. And before the PC Police jump up and down, beauty for the vast majority of men is skin deep at first. Get over it.
Much as removing cable tv and Playstations/Xboxes from use for three months can change lives, so too can removing pornography from the reach of sweaty-palmed and pimply teenage boys.
If we can instil back into boys the desire to chase and fight for a prize, rather than just buy a cheap and Photoshop’d copy, maybe we can re-energize that lumpen mass of mis-directed testosterone that smells like a science experiment, trashes your house and eats you bankrupt.
Women have for decades been complaining about their lack of choice regarding suitable men– that teenage son of yours is someone’s potential son-in-law; are you educating him to be of help to his future partner and a role model for his son and the sons of his friends, or a hindrance and the cause of her despair?
Wild at Heart was the first book I read that actually challenged Christian men to be less meek, mild, emasculated and sex-less ‘Casper Milktoasts’, and to be more assertive, manly and something that would strike a note of terror in the local village widows during afternoon tea at the Vicarage. Which was good because somehow I couldn’t see myself getting used to wearing hair socks and sandals. I’m re-reading it again (and loving it again) as part of finishing off one of the subjects in my M.A. in Christian Studies before I tackle a PhD in Business Communication next year.
As Eldredge says,
Walk into most churches, have a look around, and ask yourself: What is a Christian man? Without listening to what is said, look at what you find there. Most Christian men are…bored.
Pingback: Lee Hopkins: Better Communication Results - business communication, online, blog and podcast consultant