They have to be simultaneously complimentary and just a little bit cruel. They have to originate from the person’s name or station in life, but they should amplify something about the person that resonates with others.

And they should be memorable.

I had an elementary school teacher we called Little Hitler. She loved the name, partly because students who hadn’t dealt with her in the past tended to tread lightly for the first hour or two, just because of the name. And for a substitute teacher, a couple of hours of terrified silence can make a huge difference in getting through the day.

They have to be simultaneously complimentary and just a little bit cruel. They have to originate from the person’s name or station in life, but they should amplify something about the person that resonates with others.

And they should be memorable.

I had an elementary school teacher we called Little Hitler. She loved the name, partly because students who hadn’t dealt with her in the past tended to tread lightly for the first hour or two, just because of the name. And for a substitute teacher, a couple of hours of terrified silence can make a huge difference in getting through the day.

Now, to the serious issue at hand: a new name for The Divine Miss M. ‘Tis true that there is a rhyming slang for ‘stairs’, but it was the ‘to and froms’ (aka ‘Poms’ [aka 'British']) that concocted that one. As for ‘Miller’…

My trusty rhyming dictionary (handy tool for every wannabe songwriter and 5th grade poet) delivers me such gems as killer, pillar, squilla (a shrimp – hardly appropriate), Scylla (a Greek sea nymph – perhaps more appropriate), schiller, shiller (someone who touts their wares at market stalls — again, perhaps appropriate [grin]), tiller and villa.

There is also sabadilla (a tropical plant), granadilla (a passion flower, not a molester of grandmothers), sapodilla (a tropical evergreen tree), drosophila (fruit fly, something we are very conscious of here in South Australia, because every other State has it and we don’t and we bloody well don’t want it, either!), gypsophila (a meditteranean plant and lovely it is too, but thin, weak and insubstantial — hardly my picture of The Divine Miss M), disimilar and verisimilar (which means ‘likely to be true’).

And I haven’t even touched on matters such as sarsaparilla, papilla, caterpillar, axilla (an armpit), manzanilla (a very dry sherry) or distiller…

But I ask you, what is wrong with ‘The Divine Miss M’? After all, Donna P only got her name from me because of a post she once made about how telesales people can never get her name right, and PepsiCola just sprang to my lips (which was a far better choice than another word-pair that also sprang up – ahem!)

However, if none of the above appeal, I could always open it up to the greater public at large by posting about it? We could also run it on FIR… Let me know, but I reserve the egomaniacle right to post about it first

Now, to the serious issue at hand: a new name for The Divine Miss M. ‘Tis true that there is a rhyming slang for ‘stairs’, but it was the ‘to and froms’ (aka ‘Poms’ [aka 'British']) that concocted that one. As for ‘Miller’…

My trusty rhyming dictionary (handy tool for every wannabe songwriter and 5th grade poet) delivers me such gems as killer, pillar, squilla (a shrimp – hardly appropriate), Scylla (a Greek sea nymph – perhaps more appropriate), schiller, shiller (someone who touts their wares at market stalls — again, perhaps appropriate [grin]), tiller and villa.

There is also sabadilla (a tropical plant), granadilla (a passion flower, not a molester of grandmothers), sapodilla (a tropical evergreen tree), drosophila (fruit fly, something we are very conscious of here in South Australia, because every other State has it and we don’t and we bloody well don’t want it, either!), gypsophila (a meditteranean plant and lovely it is too, but thin, weak and insubstantial — hardly my picture of The Divine Miss M), disimilar and verisimilar (which means ‘likely to be true’).

And I haven’t even touched on matters such as sarsaparilla, papilla, caterpillar, axilla (an armpit), manzanilla (a very dry sherry) or distiller…

But I ask you, what is wrong with ‘The Divine Miss M’? After all, Donna P only got her name from me because of a post she once made about how telesales people can never get her name right, and PepsiCola just sprang to my lips (which was a far better choice than another word-pair that also sprang up – ahem!)

However, if none of the above appeal, I could always open it up to the greater public at large by posting about it? We could also run it on FIR… Let me know, but I reserve the egomaniacle right to post about it first

Not in years? Egads! I think about it nearly every day! What’s not to love–poufy shirts, pirates, bad puns, “wart-faced buffoons,” sword play, torture, and of course, witty banter!

Not in years? Egads! I think about it nearly every day! What’s not to love–poufy shirts, pirates, bad puns, “wart-faced buffoons,” sword play, torture, and of course, witty banter!