I have a very good lawyer.
Extremely good. As the following email he sent me and several others a couple of days ago will attest:
All I wanted to say was “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year”…..
As I don’t want to upset anybody in these politically correct times, (one has to cover one’s you know what) I came up with:
From me (“the wishor”) to you (“the wishee”):
Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
We wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or se*ual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:-
* This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.
* This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
* This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
* This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishes in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
* This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
* The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.
* Any references in this greeting to “the Lord”, “Father Christmas”, “Our Saviour”, “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer” or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.
This greeting is made under English Law and all the best subject to disclaimer at the bottom.
Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to all
This email and any attachments thereto,are intended only for use by the addressee named herein and contain personal confidential information. If you are not the intended recipient of this email, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying which amounts to misappropriation of this email and any attachments thereto, is strictly prohibited. If you have received this email in error, please immediately notify me and permanently delete the original and any copy of any email and any printout thereof.
(if you want his name, seriously, I will provide it — he really is very good)
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