Writing, but with a huge Yebbut on my shoulders
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed (you can even subscribe via email!). Thanks for visiting!
Went to a session on searching for published theses and dissertations today; whilst on campus thought I might as well pop in to see my supervisors, Denise Wood and Jackie Cook.
Denise was out, but spent a few good minutes with Jackie, who helped me stay positive during this phase of the project.
What has happened so far:
Well, one of the two research partners has disappeared into the ether (I’m awaiting an email back but it may have been sent and disappeared into a black hole — more on this in another post).
The other research partner left her role at the clothing company and is now ‘between jobs’. She has become passionately involved with yapstuff, a charity that targets breast cancer health messages to girls between the ages of 12 and 17. Naturally, going into Second Life for this charity is completely irrelevant — the target audience wouldn’t be able to get in to SL to view any messages!
Instead, the charity has approached Habbo with a view to setting up an information presence there. The approach has apparently been received favourably but it is still early days of negotiation, and far too early to introduce a further complicating factor: me and my research.
However, all is not lost. Denise is applying for multiple research grants for SL/Education projects and would like me to be a research assistant on them, which means money and different case studies.
Jackie confirmed my suspicions that research projects quite often go in directions not anticipated at the outset, as research partners come and go, circumstances change and obstacles present themselves.
I remember an early co-supervisor, Collette Snowden, telling me her supervisor told her that a doctorate isn’t so much a struggle with the literature or the subject matter, but is more a struggle with oneself. I can appreciate that.
I struggle with feeling adrift; my post on my other blog about whether to abandon all but research-focused activities seems to have generated some appreciative commentary. But I still feel as if I am adrift. When that happens I am more susceptible to melancholia and the beginnings of a slide downwards towards my ever-present dark side.
To keep the wolves from the door I keep little projects on the go — I am about to create a four-page website for a doctoral colleague for the money to help this month’s blown-out budget (the eldest step-daughter’s car needed urgent and expensive maintenance).
As Jackie reminded me, I need to keep writing, writing, writing. Not only for my degree, I remind myself, but to stave off the feelings of helplessness, uselessness and those darker thoughts that are never far from my surface.
